Lost in one click

 

when i am about to start a play , i ask for a hard copy of the script . i have to have it . where i make my notes , thoughts , feelings , characterisations and intonations .

living history : what one year of covid -19 journals reveals about life during pandemic 

It’s in between the lines, it’s silences, pauses, breath, it’s the characters past and present engraved in the slant of scribbled words. It’s a journey starting from me, leading to who I finally become. It’s a transition from me to HER!                               She can’t be me, if she was then it would be my failure as an actor. I have to become her.

victoria zapatora's diary entry during covid 

Anyway coming back to my paper and pen. I love diaries. I pick them up from everywhere I go. I have a collection of diaries. Some with thoughts, some with poems, some with dates underlined or marked with a star.Dates only I know the importance of, some with notes and doodles. And some empty.

The sheer pleasure I feel when I find one of my old diaries is immeasurable. It’s like finding that secret door to Narnia. A different world! A different me. A ‘me’I was then.

It’s like suddenly being flooded with memories. Like albums, but more discreet, more illusive. A memory I can hold, touch and smell.A secret only I can decipher. A tangible vociferous memory.

I’m not against technology but No expression can be read through the words typed in uniform font on a phone or I-pad or laptop. It’s like that unsaid ephemeral romance, you can’t fathom what he felt but hid or  what she meant but didn’t voice. And you are left wondering if it really happened or did you imagine it? It may be great for your imagination but not so for your reality. 

the historians will see when they look back in covid times 

childhood diary by anonymous 

Also,Everything that’s typed on a gadget is registered and recorded somewhere. Every click goes down as a digital footprint.

And like I did yesterday, it can be wiped out. The thought, the feeling and the one I was at that moment, all gone, in one click!